If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
