do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
