Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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