So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
