it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
