You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
