bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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