we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
