I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
