we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
