I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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