And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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