it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
