Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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