Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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