my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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