His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
