How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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