i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize