Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
