god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, beer. Big fan.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
