where am i from again
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
