You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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