did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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