i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
