Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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