In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
