I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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