you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
