Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
