I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
