O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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