He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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