Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize