I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
