Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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