If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
