I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
