shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
