i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
