Please, let me fuck your mom
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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