unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
