I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
