I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
