my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
