what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
