a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we're making bets on your personal life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
