The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
