I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
