do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's always time for handjobs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
