Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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