On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
