Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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