At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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