I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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