is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
