Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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