Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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