I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
