What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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