garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
