you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
