The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
