And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
