this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
