I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
