I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
