I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
