dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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