I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just had sex on a roof
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
