its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
