the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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