I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
