I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
