I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
