Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
