Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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