We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
