Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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