Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
