I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
