My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
