an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
